| I'm not in the fast lane. What's in and what's on the | | | | Because Huey's original seat belts went only around |
| road pass me by. My car is thirty-eight years old. In | | | | the waist, I had shoulder harness belts installed. I only |
| people years that's five hundred ninety. | | | | have an air bag when Cousin Walter is riding with me. |
| I've had my car for twenty of its thirty-eight years. | | | | It was Cousin Walter who gave me the survival kit |
| In DMV years twenty is at least four times I | | | | to keep in Huey's trunk. I assumed it was in case of |
| haven'thad to register a new car. | | | | earthquakes, but Cousin Walter said it was because |
| A new car starts depreciating as soon as it leaves | | | | Huey quakes. |
| the dealership. My car's appreciating, which I | | | | Huey and I are growing older together - quake for |
| appreciate - especially as I didn't know how | | | | quake and wrinkle for wrinkle; but because Huey is |
| expensive it was going to be to feed it gas. Of | | | | made out of metal, his wrinkles have to be removed |
| course, I didn't know how expensive it was going to | | | | by a metal surgeon. |
| be to feed teenage sons. | | | | Although Huey lacks modern conveniences, there's a |
| I named my car because no one should ride with a | | | | distinct advantage to driving an old car. It encourages |
| stranger. His name is Huey and he's a Mercedes | | | | other drivers to be patient. They let Huey in front of |
| convertible. However, Huey's too old to have a top | | | | them and they don't honk if he doesn't spring |
| that goes down automatically. After struggling several | | | | forward when traffic lights turn green or if he stalls. |
| times to put the top down manually and then stretch | | | | My husband doesn't think drivers are driving |
| the boot over it, I decided Huey qualified as a hard | | | | respectfully because of Huey's age. He thinks they're |
| top. | | | | driving defensively because I'm a blond driving an old |
| Huey is also too old to have automatic windows. | | | | bomb. |
| When someone taps on the passenger window, I | | | | Yes, Huey is old; and yes, it's expensive when he has |
| have to crawl over the gear shift to roll it down. | | | | to be fixed. Nevertheless, I'm frequently asked if I |
| Then the tapper feels embarrassed, but I feel worse. | | | | want to sell Huey and I'm flattered - except when it's |
| I feel shifty. | | | | my husband who asks. |